Opinion: 5 Life Skills to Teach Children So They Grow into Capable Adults

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A parent’s job is to raise competent, capable adults. Here are five crucial life skills for children so they become thriving adults.

father baking with daughter

Sometime in the last 40 years, I think we overcomplicated parenting.

We only have one job as parents. It’s the same job description parents have had for over 200,000 years.

That job is to equip our kids with the skills they need to become capable, competent adults.

If we do it right, we gradually write ourselves out of our job—a sad but necessary transition.

Sure, we also need to love our children and provide them with safe, supportive homes. Because they need that to thrive.

But we also need to teach them the skills they need for survival.

I believe in the adage, competence leads to confidence. I’ve found it true in my life, and I try (not always successfully) to apply it to my parenting by encouraging competence first.

A child needs to learn thousands of skills before they grow into adults and beyond because we never stop learning, right up until the day we die.

These skills have changed over the years. Staying safe online wasn’t a skill I needed as a kid, but it is definitely a skill I try to instil into my kids.

But these four skills are core ones that can go a long way to encouraging competent, confident kids.

Five Skills to Teach Your Kids

School covers many skills kids need to learn, like the three Rs (thank you, you amazing teachers), but there are a few old-fashioned skills that aren’t taught in school but are fundamental for kids to become thriving adults.

1. Money Management Skills

child counting money

We empower our kids if we teach them from a young age how to budget their money, how to earn money, how debt and compounding interest work, how savings work, and if you have the knowledge, how investing works.

Having an allowance is a good way for kids to learn spending decisions.

One of the best places, I believe, kids can learn about money is at the school tuckshop. I may be biased because I help out there each week, but after eight years of helping kids count their change and make hard choices with limited funds, I think it’s a great way to start.

A the tuckshop, kids have to learn the relative value of money (an ice block is less than a drink), they have to learn about saving up for what they want, they have to learn about budgeting (i.e. if I buy this, I can’t buy that), spending decisions (if I buy two iceblocks this week, I don’t have enough for one next week), and delayed gratification.

Another thing parents can do is to ask kids questions to guide them when making spending decisions, but then let them make their own decisions on how they will spend their pocket money.

Let kids make mistakes. It’s better to make a pocket money mistake now than a huge financial mistake later on. Let them feel buyer’s remorse. It can be a good teaching point to discuss so they can make better money decisions next time.

Another great way for kids to learn about money is to talk to your kids about your spending decisions. You don’t need to go into too much detail; a simple ‘we can’t buy that today because I’m saving that money to pay the electricity bill.’ is a good start.

Let older kids buy groceries with a fixed budget. It’s great practice. Or plan an outing within a budget, or organise an event.

Teach your kids how to compare prices, shop second-hand, look for sales, and haggle. It’s easy to buy on plastic, but to shop within a budget? That’s an art form.

Teach them about debt. Show them what will happen if they only pay the minimum amount. Show them how to get out of debt if necessary. Doing the maths when it comes to debt before going into debt is empowering.

You might also like: Fun ways to teach kids about money

2. Homemaking Skills

brothers washing dishes

We’ve all lived with one.

The housemate from hell.

The housemate who never does the dishes. Who never takes out the garbage. Who leaves half-empty takeaway containers under the lounge.

Every child should grow up with the ability to clean up after themselves. To wash and iron their own clothes, vacuum, dust, scrub the shower, make the bed, clean the toilet, and wash the dishes.

Other handy skills include how to sew on a button, darn a sock, and hem a skirt or trousers. They should also learn how to do basic home maintenance (or at least how to book a service person) and how to prepare for emergencies.

Bonus if they can keep a plant alive or grow something from seed.

By not giving our kids chores by always cleaning up after them, we do them (and any future housemates, including their spouse) a disservice, and it sucks all the joy out of parenting too.

Because we’re parents, not servants.

It’s easier to start young. Toddlers love helping out around the house by picking up their things, putting clothes away, and even scrubbing the toilet is fun. Sometimes it takes more time or effort, but the ‘I can do it myself!‘ stage is great for learning.

And then, as they grow older and the novelty wears off, you can give your kids chores. In our house, as functioning members of our family, I expect my kids to help (and yes, we’re a normal family – they need reminding a lot, and there are grumblings). But even as teens, they still ask to press the button on the washing machine (some things you never grow out of, I guess).

3. Cooking Skills

two boys cutting capsicum

Being able to feed yourself is a pretty essential life skill to have.

And yet, a lot of kids leave home without this skill.

Children need to learn how to cook to live a healthy, full life and stick to a budget.

You can start teaching children from about two years old how to cook. Begin with simple things like mixing the muffin batter or cutting a banana with a kid’s butter knife, then gradually give them more responsibility as they get older.

Kids are usually more capable at a younger age than what we give them credit for.

Using a sandwich press is a good way for kids to start learning to cook, without a lot of danger. And you can cook a lot on the humble sandwich press – a lot more than just sangas.

Making breakfast is another good way to learn how to cook (you can even cook bacon on the sandwich press).

I want to give you a heads up about a kid’s cooking eCourse by Katie from Kitchen Stewardship, which is all about teaching your child to cook. We did the course when the kids were younger, and it’s the best course for teaching kids to cook that I’ve come across.

Because Katie is a teacher, she uses language and memory cues that are just right for kids.

If you want to teach your kids how to cook but are unsure where to begin or how to do it, check out Katie’s course.

4. Social Skills

Communication skills are sooo important. So too, is the ability to get along with people, even people you don’t really like, and collaborate with others.

Sometimes, as parents, we can be so busy worrying about our kids getting ahead we may forget to teach them how to get along.

Important social skills include:

  • Manners. Saying please and thank you, holding doors open for people who are carrying things etc.
  • Noticing others and, if someone is struggling, asking if they need help (without filming it to put on social media).
  • Making eye contact. I know it can be hard for some people, but it makes all the difference if you can do it.
  • Smiling and saying hello to people, for example, customer service people.
  • Being able to admit mistakes and apologise.
  • Forgiving other people’s mistakes.
  • Being able to compromise.
  • Being able to speak up for themselves or for others.
  • Pitching in and lending a hand.
  • Listening skills.
  • Telling the truth.
  • Sharing and taking turns.
  • How to speak on the telephone. How to make an appointment.
  • How to turn someone down.

A super important part of social skills these days is how to be safe (and not a jerk) online.

We’ve always had the philosophy of rather than sheltering our kids from online stuff, we supervise, guide and teach them while they are young (within limits of course – it’s not a free-for-all) so they have the skills necessary for navigating the online world safely when they are older teens, and we don’t have as much oversight in their lives.

I can’t tell you yet whether this approach has worked – we’re still in the weeds, so to speak, but I hope that safe exposure with plenty of guidance will help them become competent and respectful online adults.

5. Time Management and Organisation Skills

As my kids get older, I’ve realised that it’s necessary to teach organisation and time management skills. And honestly, I wish I had learned these skills a lot younger!

Being organised, having planning and time management skills, and having the discipline to stick to the plan, are all critical in the modern world, especially if you end up working remotely. This is why teaching kids these skills from a young age is important.

Some simple ways for kids to start learning organisational skills include:

  • having an easy organisation system for toys (like tubs)
  • chore charts
  • having (and using) a calendar
  • having an alarm clock (good for older kids)
  • helping kids write to-do lists, packing lists, event planning, etc. and letting them tick off the items
  • helping them forward plan their assignments and time block study
  • having kids fold and put away their own washing
  • having kids pack and unpack their own school bag

Sometimes as adults, we have to learn/relearn these skills, so we can pass them on to our children. Because modelling behaviours is the best way to teach them. Being the person we hope our kids will become is one of the best ways for them to learn the life skills necessary to become competent adults.

What skills do you consider necessary for kids to learn? Let me know in the comments below.

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4 Comments

    1. Melissa Goodwin says:

      Thank you Maria :).

  1. This is great and so true. In with the social skills I would add emotional skills, like being able to regulate ones emotions.

    1. Melissa Goodwin says:

      Hi Sarah, Thank you, yes! that’s certainly an important skills.