up poo creek

Unfortunately the title of this piece is more literal than cliche (which should be enough to make you wary. After all, it’s pretty cliche).

So let me begin by saying that if you’re eating, you may want to stop reading.

Now, I’m no plumber, but I know that usually when when the sewer backs up it can mean your loo fills up with water. And that’s about all.

Let’s get out the plunger, call the council and she’ll be right.

The bloke who lives in number number six had assumed his kids had been flushing stuff down the dunny again. So get out the plunger he did (and here I would like to avoid all jokes about plungers, spring to mind though they may).

But when the lady in number two asked to borrow his plunger, he realised the plumbing problem was bigger than his kids’ fascination for flushing and had the nous to call the body corporate plumber.

We live in number one. At the end of the row. Down hill.

And we don’t need plungers, we need gum boots. Grossness has stepped up a notch or two in our house.

Our living room floor and transformed (did I mention carpeted?) garage is flooded with the sewage water of not one, but seven backed-up loos.

I’ve dealt with neighbour’s crap before. This takes things to a whole new level.

While I’m generally a fan of natural cleaners, right now I want to soak in a bathtub of pure bleach. And splash it around our house with reckless abandon.

Unfortunately pregnancy rules out the bourbon solution.

The silver lining part is that as I type this, we are waiting for the insurance people to come and rip up the carpet and they are going to scrub the house for us with disinfectant. They say there’s a possibility that the whole house will get re-carpeted if they can’t match the upstairs stuff. I’ll get a brand new bookshelf, and they will replace the toys we threw out and the towels we used to stem the flow.

Once the house is clean, the new carpet is laid and the furniture is back in place; once the little fella is over his tonsillitis; once my computer is back from the computer-fix-it-man with no more blue screen of death, once the rain, which has created a pond in the yard, stops threatening to flood the house (yes, it’s been one of those weeks) then I will resume my regular posting schedule, answer any emails (which for some reason I can’t access on the web) and stop the whinging.

If you’re an Aussie, happy Australia Day for tomorrow. I hope your day is filled with BBQs and sun and relaxation. We will be visiting relatives for a rest, some unpolluted air and sausages.