how am i supposed to live without you? emotional attachment to clutter
We’ve been slowly going through the process of decluttering: emptying drawers, clearing out cupboards, rationalising, donating and downsizing our possessions. But there are things I never considered clutter until the little fella started standing and pulling everything onto the floor. Specifically books, CDs and DVDs.
As I’m putting my CDs back on the shelf for the twentieth time, I wondered when was the last time I listened to some of them. I swear Michael Bolton’s Greatest Hits hasn’t made it out of its case for the last fifteen years. Or Elton John’s Love Songs or Savage Garden (and if you stumble upon any of these on eBay they may just be mine). Then I think about the books and DVD’s spread across the living room floor. If we want to watch a movie we usually hire one that we haven’t seen rather than reach for our collection. If we want to read a book, we visit the library. There are books in my collection I doubt I will ever read again.
So why are we still holding onto them?
I realised that these possessions represent chapters in my life that I’m not quite ready to close the book on. Michael Bolton kept me company through my teenage years (yes, I was a daggy teenager). The books on the shelf are from uni and although I will never be the Ancient History Professor I thought I would be (and I don’t want to anymore either), for sentimental reasons I’m not quite ready to part with my dog-eared copy of Tacitus.
For better or for worse, I realise we also tend to define ourselves by our possessions. Come into my house and look around and you can get an idea of my personality by what you see. Our personalities are on display. We make judgements by what we see. Imaging walking into someone’s house who had ‘questionable’ taste in art work and whose book collection solely consisted of biographies of serial killers. You’d be making a bee line to the front door and so would I.
However, the constant picking up off the floor has made me start to see it all for what it is: stuff. Clutter. Do we really need to be weighed down by CDs that haven’t been listened to in over ten years? Can someone else get enjoyment from them instead? And most importantly, will it mean I say “no touching, please” just a few less times a day?
If you’re trying to declutter as we are, take another look at the things you’ve passed over and ask yourself “why are you really keeping it?” If you haven’t listened, read, watched or used it for years, maybe it’s time to say goodbye and begin a new chapter in life.
Have you read these posts?
- tip tuesday – three habits that stop impulse buying and reduce clutter
- the things we just can’t live without
- how to live frugally
SAVE MONEY AND TIME ON THE GROCERIES
When we moved here two years ago, I did a big clean out before and after we moved. I had a huge collection of records I passed on to a son before we moved. While unpacking I gave away two trailer loads of ‘stuff’ including a few boxes of cassettes. I kept one small box and have been listening to them recently. I’m missing my ‘old’ music and regret not having it now. Maybe you could just think about packing some of yours away for the time being. Just a thought! Maa.
Oh yes – children do make a difference to how possessions are viewed. It gets to the point if it has to be up high, kept hidden, never brought out whilst the kids are around, then you have to wonder why you have it. Some things will be used later when the kids are older, but others really, well if you are honest just wont be.
I have to admit to often being a bit relieved when one of the kids has broken something as it has given me the excuse to get rid of it.
I am a hoarder, came from my mum. I did not start out a hoarder, my mum turned me into one. I would do regular clean outs, get my room and wardrobe all neat. Then my mum would go through what I was chucking out and bring it back. I had no where for it to go, so I just rammed it up in the top of the wardrobe and in the end I gave up. There was this damn blue velvet covered journal that I wrote in once, I am not really a journal writer, I threw it out many times and it just came back. A couple of years after moving out of home mum sent me down all the stuff she kept for me and amongst it all was that damn journal. I can tell you that I took great pleasure in throwing it out once and for all! My mum had this thing about nostalgia, it was so bad that she lived the last few years of her life surrounded by boxes filled with the past, she could barely move around her unit.
Music is an easy one to deal with, just load it onto the computer before getting rid of the CD.
Oh forgot to add. My husband will never get rid of book. I love books, but there is a time when some must go. If I wont read it again due to not enjoying it, then why keep it?
I saw that de clutter guy on TV and he said if you haven’t worn it or used it in a year then it should go. Well I’m not quite convinced there. Know what you mean that somethings are held onto because of memories. I’m making memory boxes for my grown up kids. I saved stuff that they made and kept favourite toys. Somethings are going to the bin, they’ve not weathered to well. I’m also going to make a box/book about me. My children really don’t know who I am and I saw an eighteenth century book depicting someone’s life, and I thought I might be able to make something similar. That way things are sent to the op shop but the memory/picture is in the book along with my thoughts and feelings.
I know, I should pass on things, someone else can benefit from, afterall the books are just being wasted sitting there on the shelf… I’m just not quite ready yet. Actually, I’ve started re-reading them one at a time and I’m ready to let go of the ones I’ve re-read. I’ve gotten rid of books in the past and turned the house up-side-down looking for them before remembering I’ve given them away.
I’ve also got some of my old music out to play and have really enjoyed it. The other day at the store a teenage shop assistant asked another “what is this ‘music’ playing?” And I’m thinking “you haven’t heard Elvis’ Jail House rock?!” I’m introducing the little fella to a wide range of real music before his own tastes kick in.
Delphine, I love, love your idea – I’m going to steal it!
I wish my parents and grandparents had done the same thing.
His name is Peter Walsh and he is my organisational guru. He suggests that everything in our house that is not currently being used is there with our permission and is there for either one of the following 2 reaons”:
“what if I need it” or
“this has a memory attached to it”
I have his book and use his system every day. Another suggestion he offers is the “In/Out” rule. Nothing comes into your house without something leaving it at the same time. For this you would need to have an allocated box near the front of your house that you can dump the “out” stuff into. When you notice it is full place it in the boot of your car and either give it to vinnes or to someone in need. There shouldn’t be any rubbish in this box. For rubbish you would do the “Trash Bag Tango”.
For this you have 2 rubbish bags. One for rubbish and none for donations. Every day you spend 5 min in any part of the house and place items into the bags. When the time is up, place them somewhere out of the way but easily accessable. The next day, repeat. When the bags are full bin the rubbish bags and see who you can donate the other stuff to.
He has heaps of tips like this and I could go on……
Oh – throught all my teenage years and early 20′s I was a hoarder and couldn’t bear to throw out even an old train ticket so I have been down that road before. I do have to watch my self these days as I want a spotless house and can tend to be a bit OCD at times. Don’t want the pendulum to swing too much the other way now do I!!
I have way too much ‘stuff’ and have been trying for years to declutter. I just read Corinne Grants book Confessions of a Hoarder and I NEVER (I mean NEVER – sorry to shout) novels, only magazines and I read it within a week of getting it and I can so relate. Hoarding and decluttering is so complex. I think I need to try to stop thinking it needs to be done perfectly and work through it at my own pace and look at the smaller picture and not try to think about having everything lined up perfectly. I think that is why I never start to declutter. Thanks for the great blog and suggestions. All the best for 2011!
Hi Maria, thanks for the tip, I’ll have to look Peter Walsh up. Do you use his tips, like the in/out rule?
Hi Louise, my father and an old flat mate were both pack rats and conversly I love having regular clean outs. It just wasn’t until the little fella started climbing on things that I ever thought of books (ah, my precious, much loved books) as clutter. I totally agree that things don’t have to be done perfectly, just a little at a time is sufficient. I’m learning that especially now that I have the little fella to look after and only really have a few minutes a day to clean.